Tough Guys Have Feelings Too, by Keith Negley

[via]

Perfect for:
Ages: 3-6
Occasion: expressing emotions, boys, feelings, tough guys
 
It's not always easy being a tough guy...

I know this has been spoken about at length, by a million experts (and bloggers) before, but I was still shocked at the level of gender stereotyping I came across after the Bea was born. Sure, I expected the clothes, the toys, even some of the books, but what truly shocked me was the language that we all (including myself) use.

The Bea was "sweet" and "darling" and a "princess", while her male friends were "tough" and "wild" and "such a boy". Now that she's a toddler, I hear more of the same at the park - "boys will be boys", "toughen up".

Boys being the tough guys starts young. They aren't often encouraged to really express their emotions (if it isn't "boyish" exuberance) and all of the heroes they're encouraged to look up to - Batman, Spiderman, astronauts, racing car drivers - aren't exactly known for having complex emotions or sensitivity. As angry as I feel about how little girls are spoken to and how this impacts on the rest of their lives, I also feel sad for little boys who aren't given much of an opportunity to be who they are, particularly if who they are is scared or shy or sad.

Tough Guys Have Feelings Too is the perfect anecdote if you, like me, are sick of talk that pigeon-holes our kids. Keith Negley wrote this book after struggling to find a book on expressing emotions for his young son and it's just perfect.

As it turns out, wrestlers and superheroes and cowboys and sailors all have feelings too. They feel sad, even with their friends or when they're on top of the world, even when they're supposed to be brave!

(via Upworthy)

This is a great one to get boys and dads talking (also a great one for little girls who have trouble expressing their emotions). The illustrations are cool, it's funny and the ending is just so sweet. It's a great reminder to all of us that being sad or lonely or down doesn't make you less of a superhero and that you're not alone in having those feelings.

Boys won't be boys. They will be good humans. Yes to more of this.

(via Ellie Hall)

the book and the bea x

Summer Mama Reads

[rooftop bar reading. That's how cool I am.]

Pre-Bea, the thing that I loved most about summer holidays, even more than sun, swims in the freezing ocean and gin in a beer garden, was spending a day and a night and as long as it took to read a new book. It wasn't unusual for me to cancel evening plans at the last minute because I was up to the critical chapter (sorry friends).

Now, I never have the time to read for hours on end, but over Christmas, while the Bea was busy with cousins and grandparents, I had some time to catch up on my reading. Ahh, it was heaven.

Here's the three that I got through and recommend for your own summer read (and a fourth I'm desperate to start)!

The Mothers, by Brit Bennett

“Oh girl, we have known littlebit love. That littlebit of honey left in an empty jar that traps the sweetness in your mouth long enough to mask your hunger. We have run tongues over teeth to savor that last littlebit as long as we could, and in all our living, nothing has starved us more.” 

The book was so great - moving and, as only the very best books can, left me thinking for days after. The Mothers tells the story of Nadia, Luke and Aubrey, and how one decision in their teenage years goes on to influence the rest of their lives.

It's about first love and wanting more from life and how no matter how far you've come, how much you've achieved and changed, the community you live in has a way of bringing you back to who you once were. This is a timely book - right now politicians in America are rolling back women's reproductive rights and access to sex education and birth control - and that's something we should all be angry about.

It also (and I'm very aware of how white-privilege middle income white woman I sound) gave me an insight into what it's like to be an African American. A couple of lines gave me such a jolt as I read (“Reckless white boys became politicians and bankers, reckless black boys became dead.”). It offered a stark reminder at times of what different (and unfair) lives people lead, simply because of the colour of their skin.

The Nest, by Cynthia D'Aprix Sweeney

“This was the part she hated, the part of a relationship that always nudged her to bail, the part where someone else’s misery or expectations or neediness crept into her carefully prescribed world. It was such a burden, other people’s lives.”

The Plumb siblings have a problem. When they were children, their father set up a modest trust fund to be shared when the youngest Plumb turned 40. Through a few quirks of the market, the modest fund became significant and each sibling had come to depend on receiving the money to bail them out.

Months from the date at which they'll finally get what's theirs, Leo, the oldest Plumb, makes a stupid decision (not his first) and puts all of their futures in jeopardy. Funny in parts, tragic in others, this had me giggling and moved throughout. It's a good one if only to remind you that you're not the only one with nutty relatives (I mean that in the most loving of ways, my family).

Modern Lovers, by Emma Straub

"This was not the face of propriety. This was not the face of marriage. This was one man, midlife, losing his shit." 

I loved this book from the first page, mostly because I saw myself, popping over to a friends house, salad and champagne in hand. Elizabeth, Zoe, Jane and Andrew have grown up through their 20's together and live close (almost stifling so) both emotionally and physically. Over one summer, as their teenage children come of age, their adult lives start to unravel and secrets from long ago rear their heads.

Witty and sharply observant, I enjoyed this book as a (slightly terrifying) window into what the teens may bring. It made me whimsical for my own teenage years - the thrill of first love, the promise of your 20's - but also dreaming about what the future could be if I was brave enough to give it a go.

And finally, now on my nightstand, is The Fate of the Tearling, by Erika Johansen.

“Even a book can be dangerous in the wrong hands, and when that happens, you blame the hands, but you also read the book.”

Is anyone else totally devoted to this series? A friend of mine suggested it a year ago now, as we headed off on a girls weekend away and we've both been waiting an entire year(!!!) for the final book in the trilogy.

Queen of the Tearling is the first in the trilogy and tells the story of Kelsea Raleigh, who was put into hiding as a young girl when her mother, the Queen, passed away. Now she has turned nineteen, and must return to claim her kingdom and defeat the evil Red Queen and her conspirators.

Ok, ok, I've made it sound like a total nerdfest. And there are numerous sword fights and magic and fantasy. But it's good you guys! There's quite a twist to keep an eye out for in there...

Read it, you won't regret it (and Emma Watson has signed on for the movie version, so you'll be able to say you read it first).

the book and the bea x

(pics via goodreads)

On track by Kathryn Apel

[via Amazon]

Perfect for: 
Age: 9-12
Occasion: competitiveness, sibling rivalry, sports lovers
 
The other weekend I left the Bea with her (amazing and wonderful) Granny while I escaped on girls night away. In between wine, cheese, a quick ocean dip and more wine, we got to chatting about our kids and childhood more generally.

One of the girls happened to mention the competitiveness that comes as children approach their tween years. It's something I hadn't really thought about much, as the Bea is still so little (and I'm in the midst of the Toddler Tees - Tantrums, Toilet Training and Total-lack-of-sleep).

As we spoke, I thought about what a funny balance it is - on the one hand we encourage our children endlessly when they're little: "you're the greatest!" "you can do it!" "you're a superstar!" but as they get older, they also need to learn that others matter too - that they're not the only one who's the greatest or, even if they are, sometimes acting like the greatest isn't the kindest way to be.

I did a little more thinking about it after I'd returned home, and was curious to see if I could find a book about that. About working hard to be the best, but also realising that the competition isn't all that it's about and that working as a team and understanding others is important too.

Once again, our favourite bookstore came through, with On Track, by Kathryn Apel.

Told in prose, On Track tells the story of Shaun and Toby, brothers preparing for a sports day. Everything comes easily to Shaun, including sports. While he cannot wait for sport day and the competition that comes with it, Toby struggles - he's great with ideas but doesn't have the natural aptitude for competition that his brother does.

This is a great story about sibling rivalry, competition and learning that winning really isn't the only thing that matters.

Good for competitive kids and for those experiencing the joys of sibling rivalry.

Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon by Patty Lovell

Perfect for: 
Ages: 4-6
Occasion: First day at school, new school, self-confidence

Here we are, on the edge of another school year. I know this makes me officially old to say this, but is time going really fast this summer? It feels like we were just getting excited for Christmas and now the back to school sales are in full swing and the hot cross buns are on the shelves.

The Bea is still a few years off her first day at big school but this year quite a few of my friends have little ones starting in kindy/prep. It's an exciting, emotional and daunting time (please, please let them have friends. please please let them have fun. please please don't let them lose the school jumper that cost $85.).

Thinking ahead, the two biggest wishes I have for the Bea at school is that she'll embrace who she is, with all of her weirdnesses and quirks, and find a solid little group of friends who love her and will be by her side no matter what. I figure the reading and writing and maths will all come in time but it's the love - of herself and her tribe - that really matters.

[Life mantra, via Hannah Reynolds]

Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon is the sweetest book about exactly those things. Embracing who you are, doing your best and realising that the quirks you're teased about are actually the best parts about you.

Let me introduce quirky Molly Lou Melon. She is the shortest girl in the first grade, has buck teeth so enormous that she can stack pennies on them and a voice like a bullfrog being squeezed by a boa constrictor. But she doesn't mind. Her Grandma told her to walk tall and the world will look up to you. Smile big and the world will smile right along with you. Sing out strong and the world will cry tears of joy.

So she does.

[Sometimes the bea pulls that face when I sing too...via kinderbooks]

One day, Molly Lou Melon changes schools and finds herself mercilessly bullied by a rotten kid called Ronald Durkin. Despite his teasing (and frankly, with a name like Ronald Durkin, he should pipe down), Molly Lou holds her head high and embraces all of her quirks. All the other children look up to her for the way she tries her best and finally, after feeling very foolish again and again, Ronald Durkin realises what a durkin he's been.

This is the cutest little story - I love sweet-looking, brave little Molly and the way that nothing gets her down. Her friends love her because she's her and she succeeds not by trying to fit in or win the bully over, but by being exactly who she is and embracing the things that others would have her believe are faults.

Perfect for the quirky Molly's in your life who march to their own beat - and probably not a bad one for the Ronald Durkins too.

the book and the bea x

Be Brave Little Penguin, by Giles Andreae

[via bookdepository]

Perfect for: 
Ages: 2-6
Occasion: First day at school, daycare, pre-school

Last Christmas, the Bea received many gifts, chief among them a brand new, state of the art, all-terrain, spectacular-spectacular balance bike. She took one dubious look, picked up the paper it was wrapped in and escaped in her "boat".

"Do you want to ride your bike?" "No! I'm in my boat!"

She spent approximately forty minutes in her paper boat just that morning, and countless time in the days that followed. But time on the balance bike? Zero. Nada. Zilch. Not for lack of trying on my behalf but she's flat out refused since she first saw it and how now graduated to saying it's just too "scawy" and she's too "yittle".

Sigh.

When I found Be Brave Little Penguin in one of my lunchtime book expeditions, I was immediately taken back to the Great Bike Debacle of 2016.

Pip-Pip is smaller than the other penguins and is just too scared to take his first dip in the water. His friends tease him, his Dad urges him to be brave and leap on in, but all he can imagine is how deep and cold it is and what might be waiting for him in the dark ocean. His Mama tells him to imagine how wonderful it might be - warm and fun and full of fish - and encourages him to ease himself into the shallows.

[via amazon]

Finally, Little Penguin takes a deep breath, imagines how great it might be and SPLASH! Dives on in.

This is a sweet little story for little penguins about being brave and thinking about the wonderful, instead of the scary, things that might happen if we take a risk. It's perfect for ages three and up, and would be a great one for kids heading off for the first day of daycare or school.

Be Brave Little Penguin is also a nice reminder for parents to take it easy when our little ones aren't quite up to the challenges we present them with every day. It reminded me to take it slowly, have faith and wait for my own little Penguin to be ready for her first big bike ride.

And in the meantime, at least we have a boat...

The book and the bea x

City of Robots, by George Ivanoff

[via]

Perfect for: 
Ages: 9-11
Occasion: Birthdays, encouraging reluctant readers
 
Over the Christmas break, I caught up with my nieces on all the latest news, favourite books, the Dr Who Christmas special and - very excitingly for me - shared their very first viewing of Star Wars: A New Hope (it still holds up). As I went to grab some popcorn from the kitchen, a familiar cover caught my eye.

Choose Your Own Adventures.

[who else had this on their shelves?]

Ahh. There were those stories from my childhood. The perfect anecdote to a boring afternoon.

Let's face it - these stories were hardly earth-shattering - I can barely remember the plot of any of them - but there was something so fun about taking a gamble on every page, never knowing if your fate would be to save the galaxy or to be squashed under the rancid toes of an over-zealous giant.

And, as a very sensible budgeting adult that definitely never blows half the grocery money on books (ha), there's a certain financial savvy to a book with multiple storylines, that you can read and enjoy more than once.

I was preparing myself to raid second hand bookstores and our old shelves in a sentimental frenzy but, as it turns out, Choose Your Own Adventure is Back! 

Hanging out in our favourite bookstore over the long weekend - I found City of Robots, by Melbourne writer George Ivanoff. This is the 12th in a series of "You Choose" books and the perfect find for my nine year old niece's upcoming birthday.

By the looks of things the formula hasn't changed much, apart from the introduction of slightly better illustrations and a cooler storyline (cyborgs for the win), but why fix what isn't broken?

This one would be great for kids between eight and eleven, including more reluctant readers that prefer a quick read (or reads!).

Happy adventuring!

Book and the Bea x

A Monster Calls, by Patrick Ness

 

[via]

"Stories are wild creatures", the monster said. When you let them loose, who knows what havoc they might wreak?"

Sometimes a book comes along that is so beautifully written, haunting and true that when it's finished, even though it has broken your heart, you can't help but hug it tight and feel so, so grateful (it's not just me that hugs books. Right?).

A Monster Calls is a story - a fable almost - of grief and rage, courage and loss. It tells the story of Conor, who's mother is dying of cancer, who's father is absent, having moved to America with his new wife and child and who is bullied mercilessly at school (by a particularly sociopathic child who reminded me strongly of Kevin from We Need to Talk About notoriety).

One night, at 12:07am, a monster arrives at Conor's window. It has walked the earth for many years, this time taking the form of a yew tree and is here to tell three stories...and to hear Conor tell one. The truth.

(I should mention that the Bea was fully supervised while I was lost in this story!)

As Conor deals with the changing, and often cruel, world around him, the Monster visits, again and again, and helps him to at last confront his own true story.

This is an utterly heartrending tale - I was speechless when I finished and so moved. It is a stunning exploration of grief and the rage that comes with it - and of learning the painful lessons of loss and letting go. I often dog-ear books to remember favourite phrases and this story was so beautifully and lyrically written that my copy is now dog-earred from front to back.

"Stories are important", the monster said. "They can be more important than anything. If they carry the truth."

This story has shot straight into my top three list and I can't wait to see the movie, due for release on 26 January (even though the preview alone is enough to make me weepy).

Patrick Ness created this story from an idea that the late Siobhan Dowd had told her publisher. Knowing that this story was itself built from loss, and the carrying on of someone's imagination, made this story all the more beautiful for me.

A Monster Calls is heavy going at times, but beautiful, and ultimately uplifting. I would suggest it for readers twelve and up. In fact, it's one of those tales that I think everyone should read. Maybe it's just that I enjoy these kinds of books, but I've always disliked the idea of "YA". As Patrick Ness notes himself, in an essay about A Monster Calls,

"a good story should be for everyone - a children's book must be for young people first, but, if you tell a story that works for a child it's got to be a good story because children are no fools".

One small note: I have been so lucky in my life not to have know the loss of a beloved immediate family member at a young age, and with that ignorance in mind, I'd suggest proceeding with caution in buying this for someone who has lost (or is losing) someone close.

Available at all good bookstores - there is also an exquisite illustrated version that I plan on getting my mitts as soon as I can.

The Book and the Bea x