Tough Guys Have Feelings Too, by Keith Negley

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Perfect for:
Ages: 3-6
Occasion: expressing emotions, boys, feelings, tough guys
 
It's not always easy being a tough guy...

I know this has been spoken about at length, by a million experts (and bloggers) before, but I was still shocked at the level of gender stereotyping I came across after the Bea was born. Sure, I expected the clothes, the toys, even some of the books, but what truly shocked me was the language that we all (including myself) use.

The Bea was "sweet" and "darling" and a "princess", while her male friends were "tough" and "wild" and "such a boy". Now that she's a toddler, I hear more of the same at the park - "boys will be boys", "toughen up".

Boys being the tough guys starts young. They aren't often encouraged to really express their emotions (if it isn't "boyish" exuberance) and all of the heroes they're encouraged to look up to - Batman, Spiderman, astronauts, racing car drivers - aren't exactly known for having complex emotions or sensitivity. As angry as I feel about how little girls are spoken to and how this impacts on the rest of their lives, I also feel sad for little boys who aren't given much of an opportunity to be who they are, particularly if who they are is scared or shy or sad.

Tough Guys Have Feelings Too is the perfect anecdote if you, like me, are sick of talk that pigeon-holes our kids. Keith Negley wrote this book after struggling to find a book on expressing emotions for his young son and it's just perfect.

As it turns out, wrestlers and superheroes and cowboys and sailors all have feelings too. They feel sad, even with their friends or when they're on top of the world, even when they're supposed to be brave!

(via Upworthy)

This is a great one to get boys and dads talking (also a great one for little girls who have trouble expressing their emotions). The illustrations are cool, it's funny and the ending is just so sweet. It's a great reminder to all of us that being sad or lonely or down doesn't make you less of a superhero and that you're not alone in having those feelings.

Boys won't be boys. They will be good humans. Yes to more of this.

(via Ellie Hall)

the book and the bea x

"Everyone" and the era of toddler tantrums

                                                         

We celebrated Bea's half birthday on the weekend (yes, that's totally a thing). Two and a half already. I wouldn't have believed it...if not for the accompanying angst filled tantrums that arrived right. on. time.

Oh man. Life as a two and a half year old is hard. Her shoes don't do up, but accepting my help would be admitting defeat. She wants to walk, but the park is too far. She wants to watch the Wiggles but not THAT Wiggles. Thank God the latest episode of Sesame Street taught us how to belly breathe our inner monsters away, because mine is about to lose it's marbles.

Our latest disaster came at our usually joyous dance class. The Bea chose the perfect outfit - pink leotard, pink tutu and pink jumper (ahh, remember the time I said that my daughter would never wear all pink all the time? Oh pregnant Anna, how I laugh at you). It was perfect, until Bea spotted her dance buddy in a spectacular Elsa tutu. Oh. no.

"I want my Elsa tutu." she whispered.

"That's at home!" I replied (too brightly - she already sensed the fear in my voice).

"I don't yike this tutu. I want my Elsa tutu!" the Bea's volume raised.

"Well. We don't have it. So you can dance in this one today!"
"Not this one! Nuck! Nuck!" she cried (Nuk, I've discovered, is a special combination of Yuck and No. I'd been quite proud of her language skills...until now).

The Bea defiantly yanked down her tutu and kicked it, repeatedly across the floor, yelling "Nuk" with every kick. The mothers around me smiled, nervously, compassionately, as I Sesame Street belly breathed my way through.

And then the tears came. Uncontrollably and so inconsolably that even Bea's wonderful teacher couldn't save the day. So, mustering the last of my dignity (and belly breathes), I picked a half naked Bea up and fled home, where she went straight to bed and I went straight for the gin (Coffee! I mean, coffee).

Later that night, as we had bedtime cuddles, Bea looked up at me remorsefully. 

"I didn't listen at dancing" she whispered.

"No. You felt a bit sad?" I asked, heart melting.

"I wanted Elsa tutu."

"Yes. But we didn't have Elsa tutu."

A few moments passed.

"I didn't listen at dancing."

"No. But it's over now. Next week you can listen."
"I can wear Elsa tutu tomorrow."

"Yes. Tomorrow."

Emotions are hard. And responding to their emotions is hard. So I've invested recently in a few feelings books that, while tragically not solving my problem, have helped us to talk about feelings and what to do when they get a little overwhelming.

Everyone by Christopher Silas Neal is a sweet, short story about how everyone feels angry, frazzled and overwhelmed sometimes. Everyone cries, everyone laughs, everyone sings. It's simple and soothing, a sweet reminder that everyone has bad days and as awful as things seem, you're never alone. It's a great one for kids 2-5 and calm enough for an evening read, especially if there have been a few tutu related tantrums in your day.

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In My Heart, A Book of Feelings by Jo Witek is another fantastic one - I'd say for kids 2 and up. Our protagonist, a little girl with a lot of feelings, takes us through all of the different things her heart feels. Brave, shy, silly, afraid, angry, hopeful are beautifully described ("my heart is yelling, hot and loud!) and the illustrations are bright and engaging.

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It's a gentle reminder that we all have feelings and that they aren't forever - anger and frustration give way and hope and happiness will return, just like a beloved tutu, tomorrow. 

I hope these couple of gentle reads help you through your own toddler days. Remember, if all else fails, you just have to belly bu-bu-breathe...