"Everyone" and the era of toddler tantrums

                                                         

We celebrated Bea's half birthday on the weekend (yes, that's totally a thing). Two and a half already. I wouldn't have believed it...if not for the accompanying angst filled tantrums that arrived right. on. time.

Oh man. Life as a two and a half year old is hard. Her shoes don't do up, but accepting my help would be admitting defeat. She wants to walk, but the park is too far. She wants to watch the Wiggles but not THAT Wiggles. Thank God the latest episode of Sesame Street taught us how to belly breathe our inner monsters away, because mine is about to lose it's marbles.

Our latest disaster came at our usually joyous dance class. The Bea chose the perfect outfit - pink leotard, pink tutu and pink jumper (ahh, remember the time I said that my daughter would never wear all pink all the time? Oh pregnant Anna, how I laugh at you). It was perfect, until Bea spotted her dance buddy in a spectacular Elsa tutu. Oh. no.

"I want my Elsa tutu." she whispered.

"That's at home!" I replied (too brightly - she already sensed the fear in my voice).

"I don't yike this tutu. I want my Elsa tutu!" the Bea's volume raised.

"Well. We don't have it. So you can dance in this one today!"
"Not this one! Nuck! Nuck!" she cried (Nuk, I've discovered, is a special combination of Yuck and No. I'd been quite proud of her language skills...until now).

The Bea defiantly yanked down her tutu and kicked it, repeatedly across the floor, yelling "Nuk" with every kick. The mothers around me smiled, nervously, compassionately, as I Sesame Street belly breathed my way through.

And then the tears came. Uncontrollably and so inconsolably that even Bea's wonderful teacher couldn't save the day. So, mustering the last of my dignity (and belly breathes), I picked a half naked Bea up and fled home, where she went straight to bed and I went straight for the gin (Coffee! I mean, coffee).

Later that night, as we had bedtime cuddles, Bea looked up at me remorsefully. 

"I didn't listen at dancing" she whispered.

"No. You felt a bit sad?" I asked, heart melting.

"I wanted Elsa tutu."

"Yes. But we didn't have Elsa tutu."

A few moments passed.

"I didn't listen at dancing."

"No. But it's over now. Next week you can listen."
"I can wear Elsa tutu tomorrow."

"Yes. Tomorrow."

Emotions are hard. And responding to their emotions is hard. So I've invested recently in a few feelings books that, while tragically not solving my problem, have helped us to talk about feelings and what to do when they get a little overwhelming.

Everyone by Christopher Silas Neal is a sweet, short story about how everyone feels angry, frazzled and overwhelmed sometimes. Everyone cries, everyone laughs, everyone sings. It's simple and soothing, a sweet reminder that everyone has bad days and as awful as things seem, you're never alone. It's a great one for kids 2-5 and calm enough for an evening read, especially if there have been a few tutu related tantrums in your day.

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In My Heart, A Book of Feelings by Jo Witek is another fantastic one - I'd say for kids 2 and up. Our protagonist, a little girl with a lot of feelings, takes us through all of the different things her heart feels. Brave, shy, silly, afraid, angry, hopeful are beautifully described ("my heart is yelling, hot and loud!) and the illustrations are bright and engaging.

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It's a gentle reminder that we all have feelings and that they aren't forever - anger and frustration give way and hope and happiness will return, just like a beloved tutu, tomorrow. 

I hope these couple of gentle reads help you through your own toddler days. Remember, if all else fails, you just have to belly bu-bu-breathe...